Lessons Learned

As my remaining time starts to grow shorter, I've started thinking more. I feel like this happens to everyone. You encounter a life altering-event and the reflective stage begins. I've learned a lot these past few weeks. A lot about things like love, loyalty, infatuation, respect, addiction, truth, trust, and of course, how all these things pertain to myself and my life. It all started Friday..I picked up my boy Q and on the way back from Newnan we had a long talk about the females in our lives and our struggle to keep them there. The talk we had on that 60 mile stretch of road opened up a world of thought.

LOVE:
Love is not something easily defined by anyone. The dictionary gives you the trumped up Hallmark version, the Bible gives you the marital version, but no one seems to be able to give you the real life version. I'm not saying my definition will work for you, but this is what I'm feeling for myself. Love is death, lying, fear, isolation, regret, forgiveness, and hope. The death of your fears of commitment, the lying to yourself that it couldn't better for any reason, the fear that it's too soon, too fast....the isolation you use as a defense mechanism, the regret you feel for pushing them away...the forgiveness you can't seem to bestow upon yourself. This forgiveness is followed closely by the hope that some act of God will bring you back together. It won't. Move on and hope that you've adapted and learned. Because that, my friend, is the only option after hope....

LOYALTY:
This is the purest of traits. I've learned just how hard it is to find a loyal person. Whether it be friends, family, or a significant other....loyalty is rare. I learned that I have a few unloyal loved ones. But, I do not blame them...We as a society have forgotten about loyalty...It has been lost to the pages of history, thrown into the vastness of memory hand in hand with chivalry and honor. Unfortunately it has been replaced. Three of the most important traits in history have been replaced by secrecy and dishonesty. I'm not saying this applies to all, but damn...I defy you to look amongst your acquaintances and find me ten LOYAL people. I would say look among your friends but HOPEFULLY you are more perceptive than me and surround yourself only with loyal friends.

INFATUATION:
There's not much to say on this one, I learned the difference between love, attraction and infatuation and this is my new favorite, I'm young, I'm stupid, and frankly I don't give a fuck anymore, so infatuation fits...NEXT LESSON.

RESPECT:
I've been giving it out like never before. I respect so many people for so many different reasons and I wonder why no one else seems to!? WHAT IS HAPPENING TO RESPECT? I see children, CHILDREN, yelling at their parents....boys degrading and disrespecting girls and young women....Come on man, remember back in the day....when if your parents even THOUGHT, that you were ABOUT to THINK about disrespecting them?? And you'd get that ass WHOOPED!?!?! It kills me man....It kills me.

ADDICTION:
More important than anything else, i learned about addiction. Addiction doesn't always pertain to drugs, or alcohol, or things like that....In fact, I think addiction in it's purest form (for me) is an attractive, intelligent woman...Just like drugs and alcohol, that shit can kill you too. I can't tell you how many ignorant, dangerous, foolhardy things I've done because of that addiction. And ladies and gentlemen, there is no way to kick that....no way.

TRUTH/TRUST:
Truth and trust go hand-in-hand. I'm so sick of everybody assuming that half-truths are acceptable. If I ask you for an honest response, give me an honest answer. Don't give me the half that will make me happy....the whole "good news, bad news" routine is fine, AS LONG AS BOTH ARE TOLD. I don't need you telling me the good news and hiding the bad because it's potentially painful. Be real, be quick, and be HONEST.


I honestly just felt like ranting. I'm not even sure if I'll post this or not....If i do, I hope it has SOME kind of impact on you, teaches you somethin or prompts you to teach yourself, on your own terms...

it's whatever..


Shouts to Captains Lookout Crew and the BDB Squad